It is obvious, to me at least, on reading the many comments of the women, and relating their views to what is written in the sex manuals, that two conditions will have to be met before women can enjoy sex to the full, and before men (and women) become better, more considerate, more sensitive lovers.
The first condition is the need for each partner to be able to speak openly about what stimulated him, or her, sexually, and what stops sexual arousal. Sex is communication! Because of our upbringing, during which we have been taught that sex is some ‘special’ function, that the genitals are to be hidden because they are ‘dirty’, and that sex is ‘indulged’ in and not enjoyed, we find it difficult to talk about our sexual needs and what we want. Since women are disadvantaged sexually in our culture, it is even harder for many women to tell their partners what they want.
A man can help, by telling his partner what he wants sexually and by asking her what stimulates her sexually. Once he can communicate openly and comfortably about sex, his sex life will be much more enjoyable.
*127/16/1*
Orgasm, as should be obvious, is not all there is to sexual intercourse, although it seems to be all that many men seek. Sexuality is more than a quick orgasm. It is the mutual touching and pleasuring which enhance each partner’s awareness of the other, it is the multiple physical changes which precede the climactic explosion of spermatic fluid, it is the psychological closeness of mutual enjoyment, and it is the post-orgasmic relaxation of mind and body.
The sequence of events occurs at a different speed and with a different intensity in different men or in the same man in different situations and at different times of his life. The duration of the excitement and plateau phases can vary considerably. From time to time, a man will be aroused, reach the plateau phase, but not reach orgasm. At other times, a man may be able to have orgasms at short intervals. Sometimes a man may find he gets an erection quickly, at other times it takes a long time; occasionally he will not get an erection despite stimulation.
*109/16/1*
Erection is the most obvious sign of sexual excitement in men, but it is not the only change. Other genital organs also become congested. The man’s scrotum becomes swollen and his testicles increase in size and rise up towards his crutch. In women, as well as vaginal lubrication and congestion-swelling of the tissues which surround the vaginal entrance (the lips or labia), the lips open out to expose the vaginal entrance, and the vagina becomes congested, its colour deepening to a purplish-red. A woman’s clitoris (which is the equivalent of a penis) increases in size and length – the same reaction as occurs to the man’s penis, when sexually stimulated. In women (but less often in men), a sex flush appears on the breasts and upper abdomen. In both sexes the heart beats faster and the blood pressure edges upwards.
The second, or plateau, phase of the sexual response is a time during which sexual arousal and desire is intensified, and may ultimately reach the stage when orgasm is inevitable. In this phase all forms of stimuli can intensify sexual desire, but the strength of the desire may be diminished by extraneous factors. A knock at the door, an insistent telephone ringing, or a sudden noise can so reduce sexual tension that the man moves away from orgasm and his sexual tension may even dissipate.
*90/16/1*
As the sex centre controlling the sex drive is in the brain, it is here that testosterone operates. Probably it only operates when the brain cells have been sensitized to pre-natal testosterone. This explains why testosterone injections (or tablets) rarely help to raise a woman’s sex drive. Before she was born, her brain cells were sensitized, or ‘imprinted’, by circulating female sex hormones, and remain relatively unresponsive to male sex hormones.
The brain can be divided into three zones. The innermost, and the oldest, is the reptilian brain. With the evolution of mammals, a second zone developed which covered the reptilian brain. This is the old mammalian brain, or the limbic system. With further evolution, more advanced mammals appeared, culminating with man. The more advanced mammals, the monkeys and especially man, have developed a third outer zone, the new mammalian brain, or the neocortex. The neocortex is the area where the erotic part of the sex drive is interpreted. It is the area where man’s ability to think, to talk, to write, and to appreciate aesthetics is situated. It may be the area where his capacity to love is situated. But below this, deeper and older in evolution, is the centre for the sex drive. It lies in the limbic area of the old mammalian brain and, in animals, controls mating and copulation behaviour. It is likely that certain smells and some tactile sensations are interpreted as sexual stimuli by this area. Most female animals produce distinctive sexually stimulating secretions in their vagina when in heat, which attract males and lead to copulation. These substances, in monkeys at least, have been isolated and are aliphatic acids. Humans, by contrast, are most attracted sexually by the sight or sound of a potential partner, and such stimuli are interpreted in the cerebral cortex. However, recently scientists have found that women produce exactly the same aliphatic acids, in exactly the same proportions, in their vagina as do monkeys. It is merely that man, like the quoodle, has lost his sense of smell!
*72/16/1*
In 1971 Robert Sorensen investigated the sexual behaviour of American adolescents. His investigation can be criticized as only 60 per cent of those randomly selected agreed to be interviewed. The parents of most of the others refused to permit the interview, but some of the adolescents who had agreed backed out when the questions were asked. Those who answered were self-selected and were likely to have more permissive attitudes to sex than those who refused or backed out of the survey. Nevertheless, Sorensen’s investigation gives some indication of adolescent sexuality in contemporary America. Of the 411 adolescents finally investigated, 52 per cent (59 per cent of men and 45 per cent of women) had had sexual intercourse by the age of 19.
Sorensen also divided those who had had sexual intercourse into ‘serial monogamists’ and ‘sexual adventurers’. Serial monogamists had relationships which lasted for some time, during which both partners had no other sexual attachment. Sexual adventurers were not interested in a relationship, but hoped to have several partners, either simultaneously or serially. Twenty-five per cent of the boys, but only 6 per cent of the girls, were classed as sexual adventurers.
Sorensen’s findings were not very different from those of the investigation made by Ira Reiss in 1967, or that of Kantner and Zelnick who found, in 1971, that 46 per cent of unmarried women aged 15 to 19 were sexually active by the age of 19.
These three American surveys of adolescent sexuality, and others, showed that by the early 1970s more young men were sexually active than were virgins by the time they were 19 years of age, and that nearly as many young women were having sexual intercourse as were still virgins.
*54/16/1*